Talking to yourself in public

25 Dec

Ratzinger, the popenfuehrer, took the opportunity at yesterday’s Mass to announce his use of the Vatican’s wealth to fund a massive multi-million dollar campaign aimed at stamping out violence and war, and to bring about world peace for good and always.

No, not really. Got you going though.

Actually, he did the usual and prayed for peace. Ho hum. Since when has that ever worked? Prayers like that are happening all the time but war and violence are still with us.

And let’s not forget: Ratboy is Yahweh’s lieutenant on Earth. He alone has access to the Ratphone. If the Pope can’t get his prayers answered, what chance the rest of us?

As the late, great George Carlin taught us:

“Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn’t in God’s Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn’t it seem a little arrogant? It’s a Divine Plan. What’s the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?

And here’s something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren’t answered. What do you say? “Well, it’s God’s will.” “Thy Will Be Done.” Fine, but if it’s God’s will, and He’s going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn’t you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It’s all very confusing.”

And what’s with this praying in public thing? Hasn’t Ratboy read his scripture:

“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you they have received their reward.  But when you pray, go into your room (or closet.) and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret…” (Matthew 6:5-6)

Naturally I don’t put any credence into that stuff, but they’re not my rules.

And while we’re at it, what’s with all the tight security? How much faith does the Pope really have when you get right down to it?

Finally, I have to say I enjoyed this bit:

The 83-year-old pontiff stopped twice to bless babies held up to him.

because it put me in mind of this:


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